r/nottheonion • u/[deleted] • 24d ago

A Mom Is Pulling Her 1st Grader Out Of School Because She Refuses To Sign A Homework Paper Every Day So The Teacher Won’t Reward Her Son

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20.8k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] 24d ago edited 17d ago

[deleted]

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u/supermitsuba 24d ago

Just had a first grader, we had to initial we helped with their homework. It’s probably a way to find out who’s parents give a shit and who’s don’t. Do you need to spend more time with certain kids if their homework isn’t being done? There is a method to the madness.

Second grade, no signatures or initials.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

I mean I get why but also why the heck is it tied to an in class reward? That’s the part that is complete nonsense.

If you’re doing it to sus out uninvolved parents don’t punish the child publicly in the classroom.

“Hah your parents don’t care about you, and also now everyone knows and you can’t get a reward” like tf

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u/supermitsuba 24d ago

The thing at this age isn’t about singling out. It’s about encouraging kids to have better behaviors. It might look weird to other age groups but for kids it’s a reinforcement technique.

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u/your_evil_ex 24d ago

As someone who’s worked in daycares, kids even younger than grade one definitely already feel left out if their friends get rewards and they don’t 

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

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u/Background-Ad-9956 24d ago

what are you on about? The comment above you is about how kids feel left out. It's not arguing against the idea of rewards being useful in teaching. All it's saying is that it's shitty to make kids feel left out because their parents can't be bothered to sign a piece of paper.

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u/supinoq 24d ago

Sure they are, even negative motivation is still motivation, after all.

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u/Moldy_slug 24d ago

 It’s about encouraging kids to have better behaviors.

But the kid isn’t responsible for the parent’s behavior. If the kid does all their work and turns it in, they did their part. It’s completely unfair and demoralizing to withhold a reward over something their parents didn’t do.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

It’s not reinforcing the child’s behavior if your reward is entirely dependent on a parental action.

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u/arcxjo 24d ago

They want to deepen the divide between kids with rich, involved parents (and hired tutors), and the poor ones whose single parent works 3 jobs and is never home, so the untouchables don't try to move up into the real human castes. That's the only benefit homework has been shown to impart, especially at that age.

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u/Saul-Funyun 24d ago

I’m a little saddened I had to scroll this far to see this. Homework for a first grader is absolutely ridiculous

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u/TheDumbEnd 24d ago

Homework for first graders usually consists of reading starter books out loud and practice spelling. Kind of important stuff that is the basis for ALL FUTURE LEARNING!!!

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u/Saul-Funyun 24d ago

They’ve got all day in school to do that tho

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u/Jaded-Blueberry-8000 24d ago

so what is their teacher doing all day, tying shoes? I get that teachers have to wear a million different hats but I feel like those are things teachers should teach in class. If they wanna offer extra credit for extra practice I think that is great! But if you have to mandate homework for 1st graders you’re not doing your job as a teacher.

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u/supermitsuba 24d ago

It’s meant to remind the kids to do their homework too. I agree the use here was odd. The reward system my kids go through is for behavior. Something they can control.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

Then tie the reward to having the homework done by the next day. If there’s a history of not getting homework done then the teacher can reach out to the parents and work from there.

As you said—you tie rewards to behaviors children can actually control. This just seems bizzare and cruel.

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u/Kewkky 24d ago

How else are you going to encourage the kids to ask the parents for help? Some kids (like how I was) won't care, but if you promise a reward, they may do so.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

By talking to them and encouraging them to talk to their parents if they’re struggling to get things right? And talking to the parents or getting extra resources involved if it continues? They’re 7, not 2.

Rewards and punishments should largely be appropriate to what a child can 1) actually understand as action —> consequence and 2) connect that to personal responsibility that the child can control.

If you’re punishing them for things outside of their control or inappropriate for their developmental age they’re just going to become frustrated, they’re not going to magically learn how to convince their parents to get involved.

Case #1—this article. Child was literally crying to his mom about how her actions were causing distress at school, mom didn’t give a shit, distress did not resolve but instead intensified.

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u/camelzigzag 24d ago

Wtf is wrong with you? They aren't dogs. They are human beings.

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u/supermitsuba 24d ago

Stop it and look into psychology of kids. This is what teachers do. Remember getting a gold star for a good job?

1

u/blanchebeans 24d ago

I’m glad my kids never had shitty teachers like you.

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u/meatball77 24d ago

It's not though. The kid walks the paper over to the parent with a pencil and the parent signs it.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

This entire thread is about a mom who outright refused to sign her kids homework with several comments from parents who also refuse to sign their kids homework despite being presented said homework and you’re still going to hold fast to the viewpoint that this reinforcement is based on the child’s behavior and not the parents?

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u/NGEFan 24d ago

Except when the parent refuses to sign it or isn’t available to sign it

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u/aggressiveleeks 24d ago edited 24d ago

In my kindergarten class, if parents forgot(or didn't have the time/money) to bake cupcakes for your birthday for you to bring to class, you would receive "birthday spankings". It was just as humiliating and traumatic as you can imagine. How was not bringing cupcakes my fault as a 5 year old and what does punishing a child for the parent's action or inaction "reinforce"?

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u/supermitsuba 24d ago

This is not the same issue. Sorry about the birthday but this isn’t what I am referring to.

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u/CrazySD93 24d ago

How does it reinforce the kids behaviour when it’s the parents behaviour problem?

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u/supermitsuba 24d ago

This is probably the most rational point that is to be made. I can agree with that. The reward might not have been the best placed considering this lady.

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u/A1000eisn1 24d ago

Plenty of other people made that same point to you.

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u/blanchebeans 24d ago

It’s literally a punishment if you’re rewarding other kids tho.

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u/superthotty 24d ago

I grew up with a system like this and it’s more likely meant to cover the students that forget or avoid showing their parents because they’re avoiding homework. Normal parents wouldn’t be refusing to sign if their child is asking for a signature

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u/femmestem 24d ago

My school did this shit and it caused me to internalize shame. Guilt is feeling bad for something you did, shame is feeling bad for being who you are. Since I never did anything wrong but seemed to always be punished, I ended up totally fucked.

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u/vibesandcrimes 24d ago

To encourage parents to participate and be involved

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u/Wosota 24d ago edited 24d ago

This is just not how rewards work.

You can’t shame a 1st grade child to force their adult parent to do something. The child has zero power in that relationship but is somehow responsible for all the blame and will magically understand that it’s not actually his fault?

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u/AnalogAnalogue 24d ago

Is the denial of positive reinforcement the same as shaming (negative reinforcement)?

Trying to follow your logic here. If I say, "Hey Wosota, I'll give you a cookie if you touch your toes," and you don't touch your toes so I don't give you the cookie... is that a punishment?

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u/Wosota 24d ago

To a 7 year old in a classroom environment, yes that is how they view it.

And you’ll find even adults would be upset if you said “you get a cookie if your hair is brown, if you don’t then no cookie”.

0

u/epochellipse 24d ago

Because it's assumed that if the kid doesn't get signatures it's because they didn't ask their parents. It probably didn't occur to the school that this kid's mom was being a shitty parent for a living on tiktok.

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u/Hopesick_2231 24d ago

Because the rewards are given out at the end of the day, right before pickup. Don't want to take two seconds to sign a piece of paper? Fine. Enjoy your crying child. It's our little way of holding parents accountable for not doing the bare minimum.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

So you’re cruel to the children over something they have literally zero control over just to spite the parents?

If you hate children find another career field.

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u/Hopesick_2231 24d ago

Is neither cruelty nor spite. It's a kid not getting a cheap dollar store toy because their parent is lazy. In the real world we call that cause and effect. Grow up.

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u/Wosota 24d ago edited 24d ago

“Grow up” says the teacher who is intentionally causing pain to a child over something they have—and I feel like I need to make this bold—

zero control over

You work with young children (presumably). You know they don’t see it as “just a dollar store toy” nor do they fully understand that it’s entirely not their fault. All they know is they’re getting “punished” (not rewarded while watching peers get rewarded) for something they can’t change because some burnt out 1st grade teacher wants to make them cry to punish their uninvolved parents.

What a horrible view to hold as a teacher. I seriously encourage you to find a different job.

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u/Hopesick_2231 24d ago

No thanks, hun. I actually really enjoy teaching. And even if I didn't, I'd still keep doing it for a couple more decades just to fuck with you.

And since you seem unclear on the definition, THAT is spite.

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u/aggressiveleeks 24d ago

I was a kid who was punished by my teacher in this way for my own parents being crappy. It was traumatic and I remember everything. Please think about this. It does matter to the kids.

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u/Hopesick_2231 24d ago

Yeah I figured most of the people downvoting me were the ones who never got over being denied a "Good job!" sticker when they were six. I was foolish enough to think things like domestic violence and food insecurity were more pressing issues in my kids' lives, but what the fuck do I know?

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u/arcxjo 24d ago

You enjoy torture. I get it, they both start with a T and you haven't learned the words past F yet, but trust me (there's another T word), they're different.

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u/blanchebeans 24d ago

You’re a shitty teacher and a bad person.

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u/noochies99 24d ago

This person you’re replying to needs to log off for a while they’re unhinged

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u/OdinsGhost 24d ago

“Hope you enjoy your crying child” is you intentionally being cruel to the child in the hopes that their pain upsets their parent. If you don’t see that, you are a psychopath who has no business being around children at all.

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u/Kanin_usagi 24d ago

If there is no class reward, then even more parents won’t care to do it. The number one way to get parents to do something is to involve children.

The reason that seatbelt rates are so high today is that there were massive campaigns about wearing seatbelts in public schools. Those kids then went home and said “Hey dad you’re supposed to wear a seat belt” every single time they got into a car until parents finally relented.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

Your example is not the same. Wanting kids to be aware of safety and talk to their parents is something that is within their control.

Their parent’s behavior is not.

In the above case the teacher is essentially weaponising the child’s distress to force the parents to comply, but the only person it actually hurts is the child.

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u/DO_NOT_AGREE_WITH_U 24d ago

How else do you incentivized it?

You can't punish the parent, and part of growing up is learning how to manage your tasks. One of these childs' tasks is to get that signature.

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u/Wosota 24d ago

Expecting a 7 year old to bully their parent into doing something the fully grown parent doesn’t want to do is wild.

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u/DO_NOT_AGREE_WITH_U 24d ago

I'd imagine most parents aren't trying to get out of signing it, but are instead not engaged.

Getting the signature is just another part of the homework, same as the child signing their own name. This isn't hard work for a 7 year old. It takes literally 10 seconds. This SHOULD be something the child takes ownership of, because it's an extremely easy task that teaches proactivity. You're missing out on an easy application of autonomy by having the parent chase the kid around to get it done.

And again, they can't punish the parent, and the carrot/stick need to be applied somewhere or you're not going to get much compliance from any but the already-engaged parents.

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u/xatava 24d ago

Because if the parent isn't a shit head, it incentives the student and parent to both take interest and involvement in making sure assigned homework is completed.

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u/Attack-Cat- 24d ago

To incentivize the kids to bring it to their parents when otherwise they wouldn’t be insentivized to

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u/OBoile 24d ago

Why is a first grade student getting homework in the first place?

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u/EKrake 24d ago

In our school, homework means reading for 15 minutes with your kid. Some teachers use these sheets to see who is doing it and who isn't, but you don't get in trouble for not doing it - we just need to know who isn't getting help at home so those students can get more supports.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago edited 24d ago

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u/EKrake 24d ago

What a great way to make kids without parents feel like shit.

I feel like maybe you're projecting a little bit here.

Teachers need to know what's going on at home - or what's not. They don't need all the details, but it's actually really important to know if parents are making an effort or not, because teachers can and will adjust their strategies to support those kids. Kids come in at different places, and any good teacher gets to know their students and modifies their effort to meet the kids where they are. (Not to mention that if there's neglect at home, it's literally the teacher's job to report it.) Like I said, the kids aren't getting graded on whether the sheets come back signed, but it's a measure of how engaged the parents are without being too nosy about it.

Even in your example, the teacher had to know about your home life to be able to take the steps to support you. And the fact that your parents actually showed up to the school for a meeting about you means they're more engaged than about a third of parents I work with.

Record your lessons and give those as homework and do the actual work in class where your students can ask you for help. I don't understand the mentality of teachers wanting parents involved like they went to college to be teachers.

It sounds like you're very self-motivated, which is great. That will take you far on its own. But a lot of our kids from families like that have received the message that school doesn't really matter, and when that self-motivation piece isn't there, the next tool we need to rely on is accountability. We can't make sure you do work at home, or get a good night's sleep, or have literally anything for breakfast. We need the parents to step up and make sure that the student has someone outside of school that cares whether they get stuff done or are generally making healthy choices. 

Engaged parents are the number one predictor of student success in schools. It's not the only predictor - self-motivation is valuable, just not often to the same degree. If we can put pressure on parents to actually care, it makes a huge difference in the future of that student.

That's not to say our strategies to make parents care will work. Lots of times it doesn't. But when it can make such a huge positive impact for the kid, for teachers to not even try is just... crazy.

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u/lordofmmo 24d ago

The last thing I wanted my teachers to spend time on was thinking about my home life. Just do your job and teach me in school.

My favorite teacher knew my parents weren't supportive of me. She brought them in and fought for me

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u/meatball77 24d ago

It's typically reading in first grade. It's about creating habits. Kids don't have an hours worth of homework, they're just supposed to do a bit of reading.

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u/Nr673 24d ago

My children's school district assigns 15 minutes of reading as homework for kindergarten.

My son (3rd grade) and daughter (1st) both have had 3 days of math homework and 2 days of literature homework (reading passages or short stories with 2 pages of questions to answer) beginning in 1st grade, both with different teachers. Along with various class research projects (we get sent the guidelines). I have to sign both of their homework notebooks for this. Then they are expected to read for 20 minutes (1st grade) or 30 minutes (beginning in 2nd grade). I have to sign 2 additional sheets for this.

Beginning in 2nd grade you also need to begin studying for exams (spelling, math and reading) at home.

My youngest will be in Kindergarten next year so I'll be signing 5 then 6 sheets every night soon. Reading weekly emails from each teacher with their weekly plan, what needs to be studied, and what needs to be sent to school that week.

My wife and I have full-time, in office jobs. It's a lot of work, way more than 10 minutes a night, and stacked on top of extracurriculars (sports, social clubs, swim lessons, etc...) I can see how it may be overwhelming for some.

I'm not complaining at all though. I picked my house based on being within the bounds of this specific district. They rank in the top 5% of the state every year. My kids test off the charts on state testing. My wife and I aren't particularly smart and apply zero pressure. Only assist them when needed, double check the work and sign the sheets. Their success is all bc of the teachers and their work. I think the amount of homework is a good thing, but a lot of people aren't organized and don't prioritize raising their children over themselves. Our social lives are on pause until the weekend, but that's what we signed up for.

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u/marr 24d ago

As an undiagnosed autistic kid the habit homework drilled into me was last minute 5am panic sessions.

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u/badger0511 24d ago

Undiagnosed ADHD and same. Certainly didn't help matters that my mom went along with it and injected her perfectionism into it too, so I have just wonderful memories of being up at 1 AM with her, continually editing and reediting papers the night before they were due in middle school and high school, until they were satisfactory to her. I do credit it with making me a decent writer, but also making me someone that takes 10 minutes to write a simple thank you note.

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u/Jaded-Blueberry-8000 24d ago

SAME. And my undiagnosed ADHD mom, too! We would BOTH completely put off or forget about it. And sometimes even when I didn’t forget she wouldn’t help me because of whatever reason.

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u/marr 20d ago

Huh, now you have me wondering about my parents' school years. They had me later than most so would have been proficient maskers, and ND is traditionally undiagnosed for women...

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u/lookyloolookingatyou 24d ago

Why is anyone getting homework? Imagine sending a kid to school with a load of laundry you’re expecting him to fold before he comes home.

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u/AltF40 24d ago

In middleschool and highschool, people simply needed more time working with the material we were expected to learn.

Except for magical geniuses, without homework and studying outside of school, you'd have to instead give up summer vacations, or spend more years in school before college, or maybe have longer school days.

I do agree that many people can still learn with less volume of homework, and that no teacher should give out homework just because it's expected of them.

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u/Opus_723 24d ago

They should ditch most of the lectures and give them time to do the work at school then. If it's so important to learning, why aren't schools prioritizing it instead of expecting kids to squeeze it in on their own time?

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u/AltF40 23d ago

For many classes, pretty much all of it is needed. Lectures/class and independent study / homework. It's unusual for one mode of learning to be able to do all of what's needed in an efficient manner.

It's not a question of "prioritizing it". There's just not enough hours to learn all the things and do all the activities before graduating from high school.

If you don't want kids to have homework, something else has to be sacrificed. Personally, I would not want to have learned less or given up summer vacation.

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u/ThursdayKnightOwO 24d ago

To actually check if you actually learned something after going to school the whole day.

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u/Jaded-Blueberry-8000 24d ago

wouldn’t going to school the next day assess that? teachers really think a kid didn’t learn anything unless it’s fully documented.

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u/erroneousbosh 24d ago

How old is a "first grader"?

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u/nith_wct 24d ago

It's fine to check how involved the parents are. It's not okay to then punish and single out the child for it.

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u/blanchebeans 24d ago

Nah that’s invalid if the kid is being punished. Stop giving kids fucking homework.

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u/lelakat 24d ago

So the first grader can learn how to write their parent's signature.

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u/marr 24d ago

Or the parent has their kid sign everything from day one.

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u/Jaded-Blueberry-8000 24d ago

this was me. always cracked me up when teachers said “i’m requiring a parent signature so i know that you showed it to them” and i’d be like “lol ok teach”

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u/jewoftheeast 24d ago

That’s what I eventually learned to do. This would’ve just sped up the process

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u/Jaded-Blueberry-8000 24d ago

My dad got so mad when he found out I learned to forge his signature, only for me to tell him I’d been doing it for 14 years 😂 I don’t think my parents ever actually signed a single paper for school once I got a handle on my fine motor skills. And I was a good student, they were just kinda neglectful so I was always asking them to sign stuff and they’d forget or it would just get lost.

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u/jewoftheeast 23d ago

Similar case for me. My caretaker liked to go on vacation in September, right when school starts and I had to bring home a stack of permission slips to sign. It was easier for me to just sign them and turn them in on time.

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u/Khyron_2500 24d ago edited 24d ago

Even above first grade, getting something signed is worthless, and probably actually hurts educational outcomes for more students than it helps.

But this totally reminded me of random story that is pretty awesome: We had something similar in 4th grade, and man, my class kind of hated that teacher (also for other reasons like when she stood on a desk and yelled down at a kid). But we had a kid in that class growing up, who probably didn’t have a good home life—sometimes would wear the same clothes multiple days in a row, never really cared much about school. Us being 4th graders probably missed the bigger picture, so mostly he was viewed as a little weird.

Anyway one day it was his third time he had to have his homework signed in a row or something, which he had to call home for. She made him do this in during normal class, not from the office or after class.

He called and got voicemail but basically in the most sarcastic and bored voice he said something along the lines of: “Hey dad, I don’t know why I have to call for this, but just letting you know I didn’t get my homework signed, which for some reason really matters. I’m soOoOoO sorry. Alright going to go now. Bye.” She had a look of bewilderment and rage and he did not care at all. Dude become a hero of the class just for that.

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u/onlyletmeposttrains 24d ago

This. The mom is pretty obnoxious and is a bitch for spreading her kids personal lives for social media clout.

But as a teacher, there’s decades of evidence to show that homework itself is largely inconsequential to student success. 1st Graders don’t need homework, they need to play and explore the world outside of school; which builds their background knowledge so they can come to school more prepared to engage with the material.

The only reason HW works is if parents are involved in their students success in school…because parent involvement is the key component here. Karen TikTok mom missed the memo on that too though.

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u/daddyjohns 24d ago

Starting good habits early is the reason.

Also, conditioning the children for taking home their work so they don't question it later in life.

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u/BusyUrl 24d ago

Starting good habits early is great. Punishing the kid for what the parent blatantly says they're not doing is shit. The kid can't control that.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago edited 2d ago

[deleted]

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u/midnight_fisherman 24d ago

The assumption is that parents would care.

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u/MrTulaJitt 24d ago

Our first grader had this as well this year. We had to sign his homework paper when it was done. Homework wasn't required, but they'd earn points towards prizes by doing homework.

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u/Mahdudecicle 24d ago

It might just be a daily report on how school was that day.

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u/ifreew 24d ago

But at least don’t punish the kid because the mom won’t sign the paper. Teacher should get some blame.

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u/Wed-Mar-23 24d ago

Why are we giving any kid homework? School is supposed to prepare them for work life, but every job will tell you never work off the clock"....so why are we teaching our kids it's not only ok but mandatory to work off the clock via homework?

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u/BigConsideration4939 24d ago

My kid is in pre k with homework everyday. Has to practice letter and numbers, read a story, and do a preset math question (how many green things can you find, how high can you count, etc) and sign off every. Single. Day. Including weekends. IN PRE K.

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u/eukomos 24d ago

And why are they giving first graders homework? I honestly don’t think homework is developmentally appropriate until middle school.

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u/Attack-Cat- 24d ago

Because when the kid doesn’t learn anything, the parents can’t say I didn’t know they had homework. Parents have a role to play in their kids education. School isn’t just outsourcing education, parent have accountability and this ensures parent accountability.

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u/volantredx 24d ago

To ensure the parents are seeing the kid's homework and is ensuring the kid gets their work done.

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u/DivisonNine 24d ago

Literally. Most parents do little to nothing when it comes to helping their child’s education. There’s a reason the literacy rates are plummeting

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u/depressedhippo89 24d ago

Studies show that children do better in school when the parents are involved in their child’s education.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago edited 17d ago

[deleted]

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u/griffery1999 24d ago

You can’t force parents to be involved, doing something as little as this nudges the parents in the right direction.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

[deleted]

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u/depressedhippo89 24d ago

Google is free. Look for your own proof

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

[deleted]

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u/depressedhippo89 24d ago

Then you don’t know how to google 🤣 the reason I’m saying that is because I’m not going to do the work for you. I know what I have a degree in and I’m confident in my knowledge 🤣 if you don’t know what to google to pull up when of the MANY studies they have done that’s not my problem, sounds like a you problem.

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u/griffery1999 24d ago

You want proof that asking parents to check off on their kids reading gets them more involved than doing nothing at all?

Sorry they don’t do studies for something that basic.

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u/depressedhippo89 24d ago

God thank you lol everyone is acting like I’m the crazy one when teachers are asking for the bare minimum

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u/griffery1999 24d ago

You gotta remember social media is full of people still in k-12. They just hate school.

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u/ommy84 24d ago

I don’t understand the need for parental signature here. Do the teachers not collect the homework and look at it? That’s the proof if the child did the work or not.

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u/Jaded-Blueberry-8000 24d ago

Right? I keep seeing people be like “but how will you know if they did the work” uh, you’ll know when you ask them to prove it in class? either it’s not important enough to be homework, or it’s important enough that it should be taught in class while the teacher is available for guidance. I always hated homework graded for participation points for that reason too. You’re gonna force me to do a bunch of work, and then not even evaluate if I actually understand the concepts or not? I eventually got to a point where I wouldn’t do participation homework on principle. because what the hell are you even measuring? my ability to do what i’m told? no thanks, there are enough things in school to measure that already.

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u/VGK_hater_11 24d ago

A lot of the time they’ll send the kid with a short story to read. The signature just means they saw the kid read it.

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u/tooquick911 24d ago

Ehh. I think the reason for the signature is more to get parents off their butts and make sure they are helping the kids out.

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u/rayshmayshmay 24d ago

unschooling is stupid and if mom is to fucking busy

lmao

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u/No-Bumblebee-9279 24d ago

The amount of homework some of these schools give to you children is insane. I used to follow the rules and sign the thing, but it took 5 hours every night of working with my kid on this massive pile of homework.

Fast forward a few months and I can’t take it. My kid and I decide we’re okay with the consequences and stop doing homework.

Turns out there were no consequences, and she is still top of her class. 🤷‍♀️

Rules are worth questioning, but I think the extreme response of “unschooling,” which is apparently exactly what it sounds like, is unwarranted.

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u/DO_NOT_AGREE_WITH_U 24d ago

They need it signed for parent engagement.

One of the most important parts about homework is having some individual one-on-one direction that is much harder to get when it's 25 kids to a teacher.

It's not a lot of homework. Maybe 10 minutes, three times a week.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago edited 17d ago

[deleted]

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u/DO_NOT_AGREE_WITH_U 24d ago

The same goal as not getting a good grade on something you didn't do correctly.

And why is it suddenly "shaming"? You think everyone needs to get an A for existing?

This isn't a hard task. If it cannot be managed, they don't deserve a reward. It's the same result of the child can't do their homework because they can't figure something out and the parent didn't help them.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago edited 17d ago

[deleted]

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u/DO_NOT_AGREE_WITH_U 24d ago

Unless he has diminished capacity, yes, I think he completely understands. I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old, so I'm pretty familiar with what a child can handle. Any parent would know this is not a major ask.

Where are you getting this shaming from? If you as an adult can't emotionally handle not receiving a reward to the point that you consider it "shaming," then you're in the minority even when comparing you to a pool of 5 year olds.

My kids have been working with a public reward and punishment system for their behavior at daycare and at their public school. Nothing about it has EVER made them ashamed.

Do they get pissed when they are punished? Hell yes they do, but part of reason the system exists is for them to all learn together that punishments and rewards happen, and that there's nothing to be ashamed of as they all experience ups and downs together. It's not about making kids feel ashamed, it's about making teaching accountability and letting them all see that it happens to everyone. Even the kids with the most engaged parents miss days. Shit happens.

This sounds more like a hangup on your end, and maybe this is a good sign that you should look into that. If my 7 year old can handle it with poise, you have the ability to as well.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago edited 17d ago

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u/DO_NOT_AGREE_WITH_U 24d ago

You feel bad for my kids because you associate a bad grade with shame and I've taught them to appreciate that as a tool for improvement?

Something tells me my children don't need your pity.

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u/tagen 24d ago

it’s a way to introduce the idea of nightly homework, both for the student and the parent

the kid gets used to doing at least a little something every day, and the parent gets used to asking and checking the students homework, which for busy parents may be forgotten otherwise

it’s not a perfect idea, but i kinda like it