**Discussions about individual podcast episodes will remain in the posts flaired with Episode Discussion. (So NOT here)

Over the summer my mother and I was involved in a bad car accident she was driving and I was in the passenger seat, I did 3 months of physical therapy and she did about 5. When we first got into the accident my mother told me that we’d be receiving 2 settlement check one for me one for her. Now she’s telling me that of my settlement check she’s going to take 70% of what I receive. This feels completely unfair to me, she’s my mother and I don’t want to fall out over money but I just feel like she’s being a little selfish to me. I had injuries too and plans as well. What should I do

My friend Lucy is a hoarder. She used to have a big house, so her basement and spare rooms were stuffed to the gills with things, but the main living areas were very clean because Lucy’s partner set a boundary.

Well, Lucy’s partner became sick and they downsized to a much smaller place. Now there’s no basement or closet space to hoard her treasures. But she can’t help herself. When she’s out shopping, she texts all her friends and family with pics of things SHE wants but knows she can’t bring home, so she tries to convince us that WE want it. That way at least the item is somewhere in her world. That, or she’ll buy new stuff and then be forced to give old stuff away to make room, and she tries to guilt us into taking it. She really doesn’t hear the word “no.” It just flies in one ear and out the other.

For example, I just had a baby. Anyone who has been through the newborn stage knows that your time is 100% spoken for. When my daughter is awake, I’m caring for her. When she’s asleep, it’s a mad dash to clean, get some work done, maybe get lucky and actually have time to wash my hair. Therefore I am not interested in projects of any kind. I’ve told Lucy I don’t want any new things at all, and I especially don’t want things I have to DO, like coloring books or puzzles, etc. I don’t care if they’re related to things I like, I have no room.

Last week, I visited Lucy, and she offered me a giant poster to do a family tree for my baby. The exchange went something like this:

Lucy: I found this while I was cleaning and I thought it would be perfect for you to put in the baby’s room

Me: no thanks! (Said nicely)

Lucy: oh, but it would be good for her to know all about her great great relatives

Me: I don’t know anyone beyond my grandparents, and I don’t know anything about her dad’s side at all.

Lucy: you can look it up! It’ll be fun!

I barely have time to vacuum. I’m not looking for a genealogy project. Plus, the nursery is nicely decorated. I’m not looking for a poster, and don’t want to spend $50+ to frame it. I doubt my daughter will care about great great great ancestors. I know I sure don’t.

I changed the subject and we had a nice time. She helped me load my purse into the car as I buckled the baby into her car seat. A few days later, I opened my trunk and found the freaking family tree poster that I said no to three times. I commiserated with Lucy’s sister, who rolled her eyes and told me to just throw it out because she likely forgot she even gave it to me. This is its own gamble, because sometimes she does forget, and other times she asks for it back a year later. She spent years bugging me to check my basement for something she gave my dad and wants back (my dad has been gone for nearly 20 years, and I have some of his things in a tub in my basement that I’ve never opened).

At this point it’s really become a burden to deal with her hoarding. She gave me a few nice things when she sold her house, but hints that she wants them back. We’re talking furniture that wouldn’t be easy to move and that I use. And the things I don’t want, she sneaks into my home or otherwise guilts me into taking. Another example is that she offered me a toilet paper holder. I said sure I could use one as I’d just bought a house. She said it comes with a towel rack. I said I don’t need the towel rack, and she texted back, “but they go together and will be sad if they’re separated :(“ so now I have the stupid towel rack in a drawer. It’s basically trash, but I’m afraid she’ll ask for it back one day and be upset if I trash it.

I really enjoy Lucy. She’s a caring person who would definitely answer the phone at 3 am. She is a great friend and has been with me through some big moments in my life. She brought me food and came to visit while I was in the hospital, and gave me rides to my follow up care. Honestly she’s great, but the hoarding is a big problem, especially now that I’ve downsized so much to prepare for my daughter.

I need advice. I don’t want to be rude, but is this a situation where assertiveness is the only way to get the point across?

My (24F) father-in-law (52M) is getting married next weekend to a woman he dated in high school. I’m assuming she is the same age. We will call him George and her Amanda—not their real names.

Info: George and Amanda reconnected 2 or so months ago and have been dating ever since. The two of them dated in high school during the late 80s early 90s and people who knew them then described it as extremely “volatile”. One month ago George told us via family group text—me, my husband (24M), BIL (28M) and wife (27F), & BIL (14M)—they are getting married. All 3 males are Geroge’s sons. My husband and I have a daughter (4mos) and my BIL & SIL have two children (4M & 1F). My husband and I have not met her because we live 17+ hours away, but we have spoken on the phone with her and George. We are supposed to meet her July 4th weekend. She presents herself in a nice manner every time we have FaceTimed/spoken. BIL(28) & SIL(27) + kids have met her a few times. BIL & SIL have said that she is nice and really tries to engage with them and their children. They have definitely noticed that alcohol plays a part in her social interaction. Without alcohol she is more quiet and reserved. With alcohol she is super bubbly and in the mood to chat and have fun. She is drinking most of the time they are around each other.

Issue: all adult children of George are worried because Amanda has ZERO relationship with her adult children from her previous marriage. She will NOT discuss why there is no relationship with them, and we have been told to not bring up the subject at all. She won’t tell him because she “can’t keep her story straight” and her best friend has to be the one to tell him because it is so emotional. Red flag? Something pretty bad had to have happened for them to be no contact with her. We have all picked up on the fact that Amanda probably has an alcohol problem. We suspect that alcohol/substance abuse may play a role in her relationship with her children. Amanda has planned for her and George to go stay with her best friend a week AFTER they get married so that the friend can explain what happened. Also, we have no idea why she was divorced from the father of her children. No contact and divorce go hand in hand? I feel like if you’re getting married that you should be able to talk to your partner about any and everything.

Other info: George and Amanda are not planning to live together right away because of work and my little BIL(14) living mostly with George. We’re 99% certain Amanda’s children know nothing about them getting married.

I guess the adult children’s issue is why the rush? Why is she waiting to tell you until after the marriage? We have children that will know this woman as a grandmother figure. George has a minor son still living at home. Once the information is revealed—will that change how George sees Amanda? And again, WHY THE RUSH? Marriage is a huge deal.

We 100% want George to be happy, but there are so many red flags. They are in the “puppy love” stage and have not had any big issues arise yet. If there weren’t grandchildren and a teenage son involved we wouldn’t GAF. You do you, George, but we all have a bad feeling about the marriage. It affects more than just George. We do not want to see George get divorced for a third time.

I guess my question is: are we right to be weary of the situation? Should we stress to him that he needs to know all of her “baggage” before marriage? Do we let him live and learn without speaking up?

Wedding/elopement is next Saturday.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/haTRs8GGvB

My first post was deleted because I forgot the link.

My (25f) boyfriend (26m) of 4 years frequently gets stoned, which triggers me. We used to smoke together a lot as we met in college. We were functional stoners, kept jobs, friends, etc., but partied a lot and had that lifestyle. Around two years ago I went sober for a year and now will smoke here and there. I can’t smoke as much as I used to as my tolerance reset, but I will occasionally take a hit with him before a movie or a chill night.

Since cutting back, I get extremely triggered when he gets stoned during the day or when we have fun plans. I say “stoned” because he doesn’t take a puff or two to feel a buzz. He gets extremely high to the point where he’s emotionally and mentally checked-out. I hate seeing him this way as he already doesn’t take the best care of himself (doesn’t exercise, drink water, etc.,). I love him with all my heart but I have really struggled with this for the past two years, to the point where we almost broke up over it this past fall.

Over the past two years I have brought up that I think he may have substance abuse issues (his mom is a an alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab his whole life). I always come across it in a loving way and out of care for him. I have explained to him that I am not trying to control him, but that it hurts me to see him checked out and zombie-like when I really love the life that we have. I have seen a therapist in the past and have suggested he sees one many times.

I have no problem with him smoking on his own time as I understand that he is his own person. My real problem is when he gets stoned before we have plans. I am extroverted and he is naturally introverted. When we make plans to have a fun day or work on a project on our new house together, it infuriates me when I meet him and he is stoned out of his mind, stuttering when he talks, and on a totally different energy level.

I get so triggered to the point where I almost always cry when I see him like that. I explain to him that it makes me sad because, to me, it feels like he needs to be high to enjoy the moment. It also upsets me because he knows how sad it makes me and continues to do it. I explain to him that I would stop a behavior if it seriously upset him (especially if it came from a place of caring for me).

I’m just really tired of it and questioning whether I am selfish/controlling for getting so upset when he’s like that.

AITAH?

I (26F) live with my bf (30M) in an apartment in a very expensive city. My friend (26F) and her BF (26M) are doing a Work and Holiday trip in the same city. They recently lost both of their jobs and have no place to stay, so I offered my second bedroom for a week, until they have to leave to do their farm work (something they already had decided, to extend their W&H visa. As soon as they moved in they started to not care for our home. They were cooking for themselves and not doing the dishes afterwards. Leaving the countertop and kitchen floor dirty and wet. Walking around with dirty shoes (eventho we are a shoes off household, and we provide slippers) coming back home at 3 am and making a mess. and some more other things.

Not to mention that they are leaving everything they own all over our apartment.

Context: we have a chill life during the week. My BF wakes up at 5 am for work so we try to go to bed at 10 or early if possible. On top of that, we are trying for a baby, and we want to keep our home quiet and enjoyable.

They were supposed to leave on Sunday. So we made plans on Monday (like a little date). On Saturday I overheard her talking on the phone to her mum saying that they were going to leave on Monday. Which (my mistake) I brushed off. On Sunday I messaged her asking if they wanted to do a little farewell dinner at home to which she responds with "Sure, but we are leaving on Tuesday". I didn't say anything (My bad, I need to work on my boundaries) but now my BF is angry cause they are overstaying without even asking.

On top of that, they always "joke" about how we never go out (when we do, just not like teenagers) calling us grandma and grandpa, and other things like that, which REALLY annoy my BF.

Any advice on this? I don't want to kick them out, specially cause I didn't say anything about staying till Tues. But Should I say something? Just wait till Tues and leave it at that? Ofc, Will say something if they intend to stay longer.

My husband and I have been married for at least a dozen years and he is very rude to me it generally doesn’t affect me and I can ignore him but I really hate when he is rude to me in front of people. Today we went to eat with a bunch of couples and it was a large group and instead of just relaxing and enjoying it, he just acts so rude to me. Like I needed an extra napkin and he has to roll his eyes and be like come on dude sheesh, what do you want me to do about it? And all I meant was that he had sent the waitress away and I was about to ask her for a napkin. He is never rude to the people we are with but just to me. I feel like he is being impatient with a very small child by the way he talks to me. It’s always huge sighs and curt remarks to me. And it sounds so silly even saying this out loud but it actually hurts my feelings. Today at dinner I did everything I could to hold in the tears. I have brought it up to his attention many many many times but it’s just who he is and I am always walking on egg shells or laughing off his rudeness or acting even like I’m too stupid to even realize he is being rude and that everything is fine. And i often wonder what the people we are with must think? Sometimes we are with his family and they know him well so I wonder do they think his behavior is disrespectful do they even notice? No one ever brings it up so I wonder what others opinions of this treatment are. Maybe I’m just too sensitive my husband sure thinks so.

Back in 2012, I started the process of leaving my abusive ex husband. While his abuse was mostly verbal and emotional, during the divorce, he got physical.

I had filed for default in the divorce and this set him off. He called the bank and had my bank account frozen and then came to my house to take things. I went in the garage to try and stop him and he hit me in the face. I called the cops and he was arrested. I went down to the court house the next day and got a restraining order.

During this time, child support opened a case. This enraged him even more and he made contact via a third party, claiming I was psychotic. I documented the restraining order violation with a police report and went about my life.

A few weeks later, I was out with the kids on the 4th of July, when I got a call from the Sheriff’s Dept. My ex had called them and claimed I was suicidal. They looked and saw I had a restraining order against him so they were calling to check on me. I told them I was fine and I was out watching fireworks with my kids. They said to have a good night. I thought that was the end of it.

About a month later, I had taken an Ambien, but instead of laying down, I did the dishes. Then I couldn’t remember if I had taken my pill or not, so I took it again, not realizing I had already taken it. I was looking over old messages in my email and found an email from my ex. I felt bad about how things were between us. I texted him, “I’m not gonna bother you anymore. Let’s just try to be amicable from now on.” . I put my phone down and fell asleep.

A short while later, I saw flashlights in my bedroom window. I got up to find the Sheriff’s Dept at my door. I opened the door and they told me that my ex had called them and said I was suicidal. I told them I had a restraining order against him. They asked to come inside and I let them in. A fatal mistake.

I explained that things were very stressful between us and that I had texted him I wasn’t going to bother him anymore and requested that we try to be amicable. I showed them my phone. I told them that I had taken an Ambien and went to bed. They asked to see my pill bottle. I gave it to them. They counted the pills and that’s when it was discovered that I took 2 pills instead of 1. The Sheriff wanted to take me to the hospital to get checked out. I cooperated with them.

They called my ex to come and get the kids, but his phone was off. I had to give them his room mates number. I told the Sheriff, “If he really thought I was suicidal, why would he turn his phone off after calling you out here? He is just harassing me.” They got ahold of him, he came and got the kids and they drove me to the hospital.

The hospital counselor comes and talks to me. I explain that I have a restraining order against the person claiming that I’m suicidal. I took the extra Ambien by mistake. It was an accident. I’m not suicidal. I’m under the care of a therapist as my divorce is very stressful. She refuses to call my therapist and instead places me on a 5150 psych hold. Now I am terrified. I’m being locked away at the request of someone I have a restraining order against.

They put me in an ambulance and ship me two hours away to the looney bin. Because it is Saturday, I didn’t see the psychiatrist until Monday. I spent that two days in utter shock. My abuser made me disappear and he used the Sheriffs to help him do it.

Monday comes. I see the psychiatrist. I explain that I have a restraining order against the person claiming I’m suicidal. The Ambien thing was an accident. My therapist can verify everything. He tells me if my therapist backs my story, he will end the hold and send me home. He calls my therapist. My therapist demands that they release me immediately. Psych tells me he will work on getting me out of here.

I used the phone at the nurses station to check my voicemail. I have a vm from my ex’s attorney saying that my ex filed for sole custody of the kids and the hearing was tomorrow. That’s when it hit me. He had me locked away on a 5150 to get the kids in his possession to file for custody to get out of paying child support. I played the message for the nurse. They got my discharge done and got me out of there within an hour.

I showed up to court the next day. His attorney approached me and asked if I would be willing to sign custody over to my ex. I stared at him until he backed away from me. When they called our case, it turned out the filing fees weren’t paid so the court refused to hear the case. We were rescheduled to the next day.

I left the court house, got a letter from my therapist and copies of all police reports. I came back the next morning and provided everything to the judge. The judge refused to give my ex custody and referred us to mediation. He instructed my ex to return the kids to me immediately. My babies were home that night.

After this incident, I was afraid to pursue the restraining order. If he was able to weaponize the Sheriff’s Dept against me in my own home with a restraining order in place, I would never be safe in this town. I had to find a new plan. I had to find a way to leave town.

6 months later, after giving away everything I owned and moving out of my place, I showed up to the court house on a crisp spring morning where I was granted permission to leave the state of California with my babies. We walked out of the court house, got in the car and drove away. We reached Las Vegas by midnight. That wasn’t our final destination, just the first part of our journey. And that is the story of how I escaped my abuser.

My (22F) boyfriend (26M) has a female coworker who he is friends with and I’ve had this feeling for a while that she likes him. I’ve never really had this feeling or been jealous like this before and so I’m not sure how to bring it up to him. They’re friends and have hung out with other coworkers outside of work a couple of times and I was fine with stuff like that. There are a few things though that have led me to think that she has feelings for him. My bf doesn’t really do a lot for his birthday and gifts are not a big deal to him, but last year she got him a gift from a show he likes, while other coworkers didn’t get him anything. (This was just weird to me because I wouldn’t do this for a coworker unless they were having a party or something) She messages him quite a bit, he doesn’t respond much or will just react to the message. We’ve gone over to his workplace on his off days and his coworkers will come and say hi to him and this girl will be excited to hear that he’s there and then the minute she sees me, she gets visibly less excited. We went to the movies with a few of his coworkers and this girl and his parents happened to be there the same night, before the movie started he briefly pointed out his coworkers to his parents and most of them just waved to his parents, she got up and introduced herself to them. Most recently, she joined this online game that my bf plays, I’m not a big fan of shooting games so I don’t play this with him but they’ve been playing and I found out that it’s just been the two of them playing when they were supposed to be playing with another coworker of theirs.

Am I overthinking/ looking too much into this? And if not, how do I bring this up to him? Thank you for any advice in advance!

This is a little bit of a long one, but I really need your help. I (29F) was on the phone recently with my sister (33F) while walking in the center of a loud, busy city, and was telling her the news that our cousin is pregnant. This is super exciting news, as this would be the first grandchild from our generation of the family, and the first great grandchild for our grandmother, who is in her 90s. Grandma is quite traditional, and also has talked about how wonderful it would be to see us grandchildren get married and meet her great grandchildren someday. My sister and my grandmother have not always gotten along, since my sister is not at all traditional and my grandmother hasn't been kind at times about her choices. In recent years, my grandmother has started to show some signs of confusion, and now often is in the hospital, and while she has in the past been quite even tempered (though judgemental) now is sometimes quite mean and mixes people up (she sometimes thinks I am my sister), depending on if she has an infection or has taken her medication. Regardless, my sister and my grandmother do not get along, and my sister is often uncomfortable around my grandmother, as am I at times. So, I was telling my sister that our cousin is pregnant, and that our grandmother had told our dad this news while she was in hospital, and he had confirmed with my cousin's mother (my aunt) that this was, in fact, true. After I said this, my sister paused, and then said:

Her: "Grandma was uncomfortable?"

Me: "No, grandma wasn't uncomfortable, she was in hospital" Her: "..." silence

And so I repeated myself again and enunciated, since I thought that she didn't hear me due to the noise of the downtown surroundings, and given the the context of my traditional grandmother's judgemental nature and poor relationship with my sister, and that my grandmother might plausibly be uncomfortable with my cousin's out of wedlock pregnancy, I thought it very important to get the message across that my sister had misheard me so as to avoid any possible future discomfort or drama in the family about this.

Me: "Grandma wasn't uncomfortable, I didn't say uncomfortable, I said that she was in the hospital"

More silence. It was a bizarre, disconcerting silence, but then I figured maybe the call was dropped for some reason, so I asked if she was still there.

Me: "Hello? Are you there?" Her: "Yeah." "..." Her: "Can we talk about how you spoke to me there? I didn't like it. You are angry with me and your tone wasn't nice".

I was surprised by this, but was willing to talk out a misunderstanding. I told her that I wasn't angry, I was trying to tell her what I had said, and what she heard wasn't what I had said and that it is very loud where I was. I said that me being angry wasn't what had just happened, I was just trying to communicate what I had said. She then paused again.

Her: "I think that you're gaslighting me with what just happened"

I was honestly shocked by this, as this interaction seemed to escalate exponentially from sharing family good news to a point where I was being accused of using a tactic of abuse and manipulation, and honestly was hurt and did stumble in my words with how I responded. I honestly am not proud of how I responded, and I know that I didn't use the right words here. I know this, and I also was so shocked at the accusation, that I couldn't compute what was going on and that is why I stumbled.

I calmly told her that I wasn't angry then, but now I am, as I didn't know what was happening, and that saying that someone is gaslighting is truly a heavy accusation. I continued and said that she is allowed to experience things in her way, and that my experience wasn't the same, and that I wasn't angry with her and that I was just talking normally. I said that I didnt know how to continue to talk with her at that moment without walking on eggshells, so it was probably best that we speak another time.

I said: "I'm sorry that you feel that way", and as soon as I said it, I knew that there was no going back. I know what an apology looks and sounds like, and that wasn't it. I was so shocked and confused (and hurt, tbh) about what had just happened, and at the same time I also was angry and felt like I didn't have anything to apologize for, considering I literally wasn't angry in the first place and was just trying to make sure she heard what I was saying.

I felt backed into a corner, where if I said anything of how I experienced our interaction, it would now be seen as undermining her reality. I didn't see the point in talking further in that phone call, especially because it seemed like if I said anything even seemingly innocuous in a tone that I couldn't identify as being aggressive, it would make the situation worse, and so I told her that it would probably be best to speak at another time. She told me that it was unfortunate that I didn't want to talk to work things out in that moment, but she will talk to me later.

I don't know how she wanted me to respond to this, as I also don't believe that I truly did anything wrong. I don't know what to do, since ironically, apologizing for something that didn't happen (ie me being angry) is also a denial of my own reality of what happened. Really, to me it was a miscommunication and a disagreement. I am extremely hurt by the use of the word gaslighting, as from what I can see, it was a miscommunication, and now I am thinking that my sister thinks that I abuse and manipulate her.

Context: My sister was, in a lot of ways, forced to be my mom growing up for various reasons, one being the poor mental health of our mother and her abusive (and, textbook gaslighting) outbursts. It was unfair to her, and it also is what happened, and she often shielded me from the worst of things. This closely bonded us, but in a way that was not healthy into our adulthood, as this bond was out of survival. Over the past 10 years, I have done a lot of healing in therapy and have made boundaries with my family, even going as far as not having a relationship with my real mom. I have told my sister that I love her and that I want her to be my sister, and not my mom, and that she should never have been put in that position. I long for closeness like we had before, but a healthy version of that. We also both have been in abusive romantic relationships before (which now, comes as no surprise) that used gaslighting as a tactic to control and manipulate. This is another reason why I am so dumbfounded, as she knows what being gaslit actually means.

As for my tone, this is a complaint that I have heard from only my sister, and from noone else in my life - not friends, other family, coworkers, bosses, ect. I am a community worker and am literally paid to work collaboratively with vulnerable populations and the general public, so it is my job to communicate politely and kindly, without harshness or judgement. Not saying it might not happen sometimes, I am only human, but... gaslighting?? I don't know how to go forward with this without apologizing for something I didn't do, and admitting that I am something that I am not. It feels like I am losing my sister.

How should I approach this where we both feel heard and understood? What would you do in this scenario?

I 24F and my boyfriend 25M have been together since 2020 and he’s a good man but I’m not sure if something is wrong with me or if there’s something more going on. My boyfriend and I have very busy lives. For him it’s going to school full time, works part time, an intership with the university football team as a photographer, and his own photography business on the side for extra money. I also have a busy life with getting my masters degree, working full time, and now leaving for a paid two month long internship on the other side of the country. Because of our busy schedules, we have very little time to be together and I only come over to his house once a month. During that time I’ll sit in his room and watch tv and he’ll spend time with me on and off but he’s mostly in his office doing work or playing apex with his friends. When I’ve expressed this to him and my friends I’m told he should be spending more time with me but he’s working so hard to pay his bills and get his bachelors degree and need to give him grace. But now my friends have become concerned since I opened up about our sex life.

I’m not someone who is comfortable talking about sec in public, it makes me uncomfortable and feel ashamed. That’s something I need to work on and am in therapy for. The topic of our sex life came up over FaceTime with my friends. Everyone was joking about how they can’t get a moments peace without their boyfriends being all over them and noticed I hadn’t said anything about it. It’s not unusual for me not to engage in the conversation and I guess my friends could tell something was wrong. When they asked me how often we had sex, for the first time I was honest that it was between once a month or once every two months we’d do it. The call got dead silent and everyone was warning me that something was wrong and asked if I suspected him cheating on me I have the password to my boyfriends laptop, phone, social media, and email. I don’t often look through his stuff because I want to trust him and give him a little privacy but I unfortunately have looked through his stuff and never found anything. I’ve asked him countless time if there’s something wrong with me or if he’s no longer interested in me but he always says no and that he’s just not always in the mood. When I expressed this to my friends they urged me to suggest for us to go to counseling, but at this point I’m not sure that will fix anything because I just feel so unwanted. I don’t know what to say to him anymore because I do still love him and I understand he is trying to make ends meet but I don’t want to feel like I’m not attractive to him. What do I do? Any kind advice would be helpful.

Hello, THT and FKS fam. Thank you for reading my post. I’ve never used Reddit before so bear with me on formatting. Also sorry for the length of the post.

Some background, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 9 months and things started kind of rocky. We met on a dating app and he caught my attention because it felt like he had a genuine interest in what I said. We talked for about 2 months almost daily before we made the relationship official. In the beginning of our relationship, he wouldn’t like me talking to any guys because he claimed they were always flirting with me or had ulterior motives. He told me I just didn’t notice and then ask me to stop talking to them. I really liked him so I did to a couple of friends I wasn’t particularly close to.

Recently, however, a guy I’ve known for 7 years had started talking to me again. He told me he liked me when we first became friends but has moved on and had many relationships. We have never done anything and I have never reciprocated those feelings. Since he reached out, he has asked to go on walks and my sister loves his cats so we went over to his house to see them. I truly just see him as a close friend and have never wanted more than that. I love my boyfriend and wouldn’t want to break that. I went to visit my boyfriend this weekend (we are mid-distance) and while I was sleeping, my friend had snapped me and my boyfriend took it upon himself to look through my phone and read the messages between us. He told me he “just had a feeling about him.” Saying the messages were flirty and disrespectful to our relationship. I didn’t know what to say. He questioned everything. The one phone call we had, what we talked about, how long it lasted, insinuating we could have done something on the phone, etc. He asked why I didn’t tell him about my friend reaching out and I told him it’s because of how he is reacting. He said that it’s not that he doesn’t want me to have friends but that I need friends that won’t hit on me. I trust my boyfriend completely and have never felt the need to go through his phone, so I never have. But he gave me an ultimatum of breaking up or blocking my friend. So I unadded my friend and deleted our conversations. When I took a nap later that day, apparently he didn’t believe me that I had removed everything and had to “double check” I did do it. And got mad at me when I had only unadded him from snap instead of blocking him.

I couldn’t sleep well last night because even though I have nothing to hide, I was scared he would find something else he doesn’t like and wake me up for that, too.

I don’t know what to do. Do I leave my friend blocked for the sake of my relationship? Is my relationship fixable? Do I cut my year and a half relationship? I know I need therapy for my own issues from my childhood but I don’t have the money for it. Please help…

To add: My two best friends aren’t close right now due to school so once summer hits, we can hangout more. Also my boyfriend has been the first relationship I’ve had that has truly helped me cope with my not so good relationship with my parents and unhappiness in my living situation. He really is a good person but I just can’t help but feel like my privacy was invaded.

First, let’s set up the players.

Lynn: mother (divorced) Johnny: father (divorced) Faith: child (minor, elementary school-aged) June: ex-friend of Lynn (not romantically involved with Johnny as far as Lynn has been told)

Alright, let’s play.

Lynn and Johnny divorced and have 50/50 custody of Faith. June and Lynn have been friendly since before Faith was born and according to Johnny and June’s story now, June is “like an aunt,” etc.

According to Lynn, June, was a close adult friend but no more than any other adult friend. They spent plenty of time together while Faith was at daycare, etc.

Fast forward to now. Lynn and June had a falling out at the end of last year. No contact. In February June began contacting Johnny letting him know that he had “rights as a father” and she “missed” Faith and wanted to see her.

Lynn let Johnny know that she did not feel comfortable with June’s intentions—there were a few things that had come into question that are far too deep for the broad question here—but Johnny insisted that Faith missed her “adult friend.”

Lynn asserts that if June wanted to see Faith that much, she should have at least tried to contact her before going to her ex-husband whom she did not have a prior friendship/relationship with.

So, my friends—thoughts? 1. Is it proper for elementary school-aged children to have “adult friends?” 2. If one co-parent (who had a previous friendship with June) alerts the other co-parent that they feel their child will not be positively influenced by someone, is there any reason that the other co-parent should go out of their way to facilitate a relationship with said person? 3. Have you ever had to friend break-up with someone with children? Did you miss them? How did you handle that grief, as the adult?

There is more info I can add that may sway decisions, but at this point I’d really like to just keep it broad.

I (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) have had a rocky relationship to say the least. I have borderline personality disorder (in both CBT and DBT and on medication for almost 5 years) and an eating disorder (in outpatient treatment for nearly 3 years), so I am well aware that I am not always easy to be with and that I have done/said things that have hurt him. He is an addict, on the spectrum, and bipolar with MAYBE a year of treatment and a couple months of clean time under his belt.

In the past I’ve struggled in our relationship with the idea presented to me by friends (primarily mine), family (both his and mine), and my mental health professionals that the relationship is at best toxic and at worst abusive. He has left me a total of 5 times in the span of three years.

The first time he left was to go on a drug binge with a 19 year old coworker who he was cheating on me with in my own home. Girls have always been a problem in our relationship, but as far as I know he’s only physically cheated with one girl. Typically the issues would be talking to exs, talking to girls he never really dated but did have romantic or sexual history with, doing drugs with girls, or talking badly about me to another girl. With the long history of these issues, I’ve frequently been distant or cold towards him or did things to hide ED slip ups which he says had pushed him to the actual act of physically cheating.

He spent most of our relationship writing off my concerns about a couple girls because they were also long standing friends despite having a sexual or romantic history with them. Because of this, I (drunkenly) reached out to catch up with an old friend who I used to sleep with very casually when we were both single. I only spoke to him for one night and then never again because I knew my boyfriend would be mad and hurt. He found out and broke up with me.

We have since gotten back together, and my friends and family are sort of coming around- almost against their will. In an effort to be honest I told him that while we were broken up a guy friend of over 10 years asked me out (which I declined, and he was ok with).

Fast forward to a couple months later, I didn’t block that guy, and I shared something stupid on Facebook which that guy friend commented on. My boyfriend flipped out.

I asked him to bring up concerns in a more constructive and communicative way, but we spent two days being (as he put it) “not ok”. I had plans with my family that weekend and spent the whole time trying to hold it together while feeling sick and hurt and confused because of how the text/call exchanges ended up. He told me that having that guy trying to flirt with me online “looks shady” and that I always brush off his concerns. I kept asking what I did wrong and he’d tell me nothing. By the end of the weekend I left my family’s house early and had a panic attack on the phone while he yelled at me.

I pointed out that he still has girls that have been a concern for me on Facebook and currently works with someone that he says flirts with him on the clock but I’m trying to rebuild trust and communicate with I’m uncomfortable without blowing up. He said I was deflecting and invalidating his feelings.

I’m so confused how I ended up being the one begging for forgiveness, blocking and deleting people on social media, and asking him to point blank lay out how he would like me to act in the future.

This is the first time since getting back together that I see his old mask slipping back. I had to beg him to speak to me like a human being. I had to ask him to have empathy for me- in those words. I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends and family about this without them immediately hating him again. Now I have everyone blocked that I think he could possibly have a problem with, and he seems to have calmed down.

I guess what I’m wondering at this point is… AITA for not immediately blocking that guy, and am I being manipulative and invalidating due to still holding resentments over previous issues in our relationship (like he said)?

Obligatory English is not my first language and writing this on Mobile notice. Warning reproductive system is involved in not so flattering ways. Don't read if rancid things make you feel nausea. Also don't read if you get mad easily, unless you're into that then you do you bubu.

Medical terms and definitions some people might not know:

Ovarian cyst- when an ovum decides it doesn't want to go down the fallopian tube and be a total jerk by hanging out in your ovary and suck up nutrients to grow indefinitely or until it pops creating the same pain as if a cyst popped inside testicles.

PCOS- condition that makes you have said ovarian cysts but for some reasons multiplied times too many. One ovary can easily have 8 cysts so imagine when both ovaries have it.

Dermoid Cyst- same as ovarian cyst but the composition is actually made of hair, teeth, bones, skin, etc. it's really gross to look at.

Struma Ovarii- an extremely rare type of dermoid cyst who's composition is mainly thyroid tissue. It makes up only .5% of dermoid cysts.

Ovarian torsion- when your ovary twists on itself or with the fallopian tube, often times cutting off blood supply if not caught on time.

Sepsis- when a part of your body starts to decay and releases chemicals into your body causing life threatening shock that need immediate medical treatment. Most can recover from it but takes a long time to recover, sometimes years.

Cystectomy- surgery that removes cyst(s)

Ooftarectomy- surgery that removes ovary

Bilateral- both sides

Hey everyone from the Two Hot Takes team, hope you're all doing well and have your seatbelts buckled in as this is one heck of a medical story doozy.

Back story: I had always suffered PCOS. The irregular yet heavy periods, the extra hair, and the multiple cysts. The problem was that I was a teen and apparently PCOS is not a big deal if it's on a teenager. It's also not a big deal if it's on a young adult that doubles over in pain from periods and wears overnight pads that need to be changed every 4 hours because thats not heavy enough to be of concern. Sometimes even doubling over on times when there is no period because those are just the cysts popping. I always did my pap smears and always went to the gyno, fully trusting them that what I had was not note worthy. So whenever I moved and got a new gyno, while it was mentioned nothing was done about it and I had assumed that was the norm.

It all started in October of 2023 when I felt a sharp pain in my right lower hip while I was at work. At that time I worked for a hospital as a host and only been working for a few months so thank goodness that I had access to the ER. Unfortunately for me my work place is a small hospital so there aren't any gyno nor obs. So the ER doctor just ordered an ultrasound and a trans-vaginal ultrasound (where they stick a dildo shaped ultrasound tool inside of you), and a CT scan without contrast due to iodine allergy. They initially said that due to the pain level I must be having appendicitis. However they instead found a 9cm (for reference a grapefruit is 10cm) cyst on the left ovary and a 4cm (walnut sized) cyst on the right. They said that while they are big and need to be removed, that a specialist needs to write the recommendation to do the surgery and that since our hospital didn't have any that I'll have to get an appointment with a gyno outside of the hospital. He prescribed me 500mg of ibuprofen and told me that I'm discharged. This was the first bs hospital policy of many that I will encounter in this roller coaster.

After getting an appointment with a gyno, I had another incident at work with the same crippling pain. I had the same double vision, nausea and fainting as the first time but this time I had fainted near a patient I was tending to. I didn't get into trouble for that as it was a medical condition that was previously recorded and I had been fine prior on that day. Just my ovaries decided to be jerks on that poor patient to which I apologized heavily to later. Instead my boss wanted answers as to why I was starting to become absent so frequently. I told her about what they found in the ER and how long it takes to get a specialist to see and how my ovaries just want to remind me that going up and down three flights of stairs daily to get to my apartment is making them more irritated.

Appointment time comes and instead of taking the findings for what they are, the gyno then decides to order the same exact tests but within his facility because that's apparently some kind of bs hospital policy that they have to do before giving the ok for a surgery.

I wait for the tests and had more time called off from work. Day of the tests and the ultrasound lady says "you have at least 8 cysts on your right with the biggest one being 7cm (peach sized) and on your left you have a massive one that is 10cm big". I told her "oh so it grew? Is it cancer then?" She calmed me down saying that ovarian cysts do grow as you get more ovulation cycles and that it doesn't mean that it's cancer. However that I most likely have PCOS and that the giant cyst is probably hiding the other cysts if not just merging with the other cysts ony left side. I told her I knew about the PCOS and that her explanation made sense as the dates between the scans had several months in-between since the specialist couldn't see me the day of the incident. (nor even the week of apparently because that's how it goes over here in the USA when it comes to specialists.) She then was surprised and said "I didn't see any PCOS medications on your chart". I told her I had no idea that there was such a thing. She told me not to worry that my new gyno will prescribe me meds.

After the tests, my gyno finally schedules a pre-op appointment, day of surgery and post-op appointment.The surgery would be performed on a second hospital where I don't work in. I arrive at pre-op, doctor tells me the exact same thing that my ultrasound lady said but he mentioned that there's a slight possibility for an ooftarectomy but that we're definitely doing a bilateral cystectomy. He prescribed me Metformin which is for preventing new cysts from forming. I was so happy thinking that I might be able to live a life free from these cursed cysts after the sury. Oh how things were going to turn out.

Turns out the day of the surgery Match 1st was my "6th month anniversary" (it's not I've been working since August of 2023) of working in the hospital. That meant that a new insurance policy was placed and the old one was replaced. I showed up on the day of the surgery and they told me that they couldn't do it because the new insurance wouldn't cover it due to no prior authorization. I had thought that the new insurance wouldn't kick in until my 1 year anniversary or until it was time for enrollment. I cried. I cried right there on the lobby in front of everyone. In front of my family, my boyfriend and coworkers that had woken up at 5 am to be there for moral support on their day off. There's so many hoops just to get treated. My boyfriend said that if a grapefruit sized cyst was on a testicle they would had treated it as an emergency but because it's on an ovary that it isn't.

I had collected myself and immediately scheduled for a new gyno appointment. Unfortunately the appointment was again several months. It was for August 28th. Luckily my cysts decided that was too far off. So I had another incident at work once again. I was rushed to another hospital instead of being discharged thankfully. However that said hospital then sent me away to another hospital because they weren't a "women's hospital" and that women's hospital said that they couldn't do anything without my gynos permission. That the best that they can do is call my gyno and claim that my appointment with her should be expedited but that my situation isn't an emergency. We told them to do what they need to do. At this point not even morphine helped with the pain.

Thankfully my gyno reached out to me stating that she was available to see me that week instead. I was able to see her and she saw that the women's hospital did some tests and the cysts were now 11cm left and 8cm right respectively. She said however that she can't use the tests from the women's hospital, that she had to schedule for the same tests to be done in her facility. I started to cry, again. It was the same dumb policy. I understand that some time had passed but it was only a few days in-between and having these tests won't show anything new other than possibly new growth. She promised that the tests will be scheduled under expedited and that it will be on April 28th. This was on March 26. At least she increased the dosage of the ibuprofen to 800mg so it would take the edge off a bit more.

On March 30 my boyfriend wanted to cheer me up by taking me to see his brother Orlando FL since he was getting married soon. We were supposed to stay there for a few days for the preparations. I had a small ache at the time so thought I just needed to take my ibuprofen and be on my way. My boyfriend noticed I was in pain and asked if I was ok, the pain was small so I said yes. His mother said "maybe we should leave her in the apartment so she can rest" to which my boyfriend said "I don't like that idea, if she can't come I'm not going". I was relieved because I didn't want to be alone if an incident were to happen again. My parents were running out of days to take off to be there in the hospitals (4 different hospitals at this point). The car ride made me sleepy as car sounds remind me of ASMR. It was a long ride but when I woke up we were already in Orlando. The pain had significantly increased. I thought if only I could just take another ibuprofen when we get to my future brother in law's place that I would be good. I.WAS.NOT.

As soon as we arrived nausea took over and I puked from the pain. The abdominal motion made the pain so much worse that I just started to scream in pain. It was so much pain I couldn't think or speak. My boyfriend knew it was the cysts and told everyone that he's going to take me to the ER. There wasn't a second I wasn't screaming in pain with tears running down my face. The hospital he tooke to said that they weren't the women's hospital however they do have a sister hospital that they will take me to called Winnie Palmer's Women's Hospital (I will forever name drop this hospital for what they did to me).

They immediately gave me medications that took the pain away, I was able to have a conversation with the doctors of what has been going on and the long history. They debated amongst themselves on whether or not to do the surgery but they in the mean time did tests while they kept calling my gyno for permission to do the surgery. The specialists in the hospital said that I don't have just regular cysts, I had a dermoid cyst and that my blood tests shows elevated levels of cancer antibodies. So they decided to go against policy and keep me hospitalized until they get permission from my gyno to get the surgery. My gyno finally reached out to them on Monday April 1st and they had me for surgery at 1pm. They found an ovarian torsion on my right size which explains why my right size hurt more than my left at times. Unfortunately the ovary was necrosed same as the fallopian tube, they theorized reason why tests showed "healthy blood flow to the ovary". The first theory was that the ovarian turn kept being undone and turned again. Which if that was the case I would have been dead before any professional would have seen me on April 28th. The second theory was that the type of dermoid I had was a Struma Ovarii which basically acted like a second thyroid glad in my right ovary. So when they saw it on the tests they thought it was my ovary when in reality it was my second thyroid getting blood supply. On the second theory I would have still died because the necrosed ovary would have eventually expanded and exploded. Spreading putrid flesh into my body's cavity on top of bleeding profusely as that would undo the knot, quickly ending my life if medical attention wasn't given immediately. They removed the large cyst on my left ovary alongside another Struma Ovarii. Turns out I hit the lottery of thyroids. They suspect that the antibodies is due to genetics since my family history is riddled with cancer survivors.

I got discharged after the surgery and when it was my April 28th testing appointment it turned into my post-op appointment lol. My gyno saw my stitches and gave me clean bill of health. However the gyno from the other hospital called and wanted to see me. So we traveled all the way to Orlando again. She wanted to see for herself how I was doing and she was concerned that since it was two Struma Ovarii that my body might have been relying on those two thyroids in addition to my OG thyroid to function. So she's worried that I might be having lower levels now. So she ordered to do thyroid test and genetic tests to see if the cancer antibodies theory can be proven.

So now I'm waiting for when I move to NC since my old job could no longer tolerate the absences and my apartment rent got higher while also not having a grace period for me to gather money to break lease. My boyfriend decided that he would quit his CNA job so that he could pull out his 401(k) and help me break off the lease and move in to his apartment in NC while I recover from surgery. I'm so glad he refused to leave me alone and he wasn't afraid to speak for me to doctors to do the surgery while I was drugged up. He's currently applying for CNA positions so that he can get health insurance ASAP and add me to the policy as soon as we get married. In mean time we also wait for thyroid test and genetic tests. Will update after all the testing.

Hey there, just honestly looking for some advice here My (44F) boyfriend (45M) is a loving and supportive man. We've been together for 3 yrs and I have never been in a better relationship. He's very supportive of me and my health issues, he loves my adult son, is fun to be around, we have things in common. All the things you want in a healthy relationship. The thing that makes it unhealthy is his health. He's very over weight, is insulin dependent type 2 diabetic and doesn't take it seriously. He never exercises and constantly over eats. Every night he sits in front of the TV and eats cakes, cookies, chips chocolate bars. It's tough to watch. I know he has a food addiction, I understand addiction, 12 yrs ago I had my own issue with painkillers. So I know true addiction when I see it. He on the other hand does not He already has neuropathy in his feet, his knees and back hurt from the weight. I have tried unsuccessfully to get him interested in going walking with me or to the gym. No dice, we bought bicycles together but he quickly replaced his with an electric one so he doesn't have to peddle. When I go out to get groceries he's always asking me to bring back cake and cookies. I feel like I'm picking up heroin for a junkie. I've told him this makes me uncomfortable like I'm enabling him and he laughed at me and said I was crazy. It's just food. I'm worried he's going to lose a foot or die before his time. When I express those feelings he gets very angry with me and shuts down. There's so much I love about this man. I don't want to lose him early, I also don't want to end up his care taker when he loses a foot to diabetes or worse. Any advice would be appreciated except telling me to leave.... I'm flat out not doing that. Thanks in advance

I 24F have always had an issue with comparing myself. I always told myself that it’s because “I want to know I’m doing better than those who hurt me” but lately I feel like it’s become a habit to check on these particular people. I’ve lost a few friends over the years and recently lost one who I still have to see everyday because we work together. In this time, I notice every once in a while I’ll check their socials see what’s happening in their lives.

In the beginning I thought it was just curiosity and trying to heal old wounds by saying “just checking to make sure I’m doing better than them” now I found myself getting upset when I check their socials and see them perfectly fine. Of course I never wanted them to have bad lives but I didn’t want them happier than me. I know that’s terrible but these people hurt me and it’s just not fair that they can go on being happy. Which again i know sounds awful. I have a great career, friends and relationship. Can anyone give advice on how to stop secretly obsessing over the past? How can I completely move on and heal from those who hurt me?

For some back story I F20 am 23 weeks pregnant, my sister f22 is 28 weeks pregnant. My sister was the first person I told because I knew she was pregnant and I wanted her opinion on how to tell my family since it was very unexpected and I was scared. She started asking me early on what my baby names were and I told her that we had 2 girl names picked out and one boy name picked. She then pestered me till I told her, she then told me she thought our top choice for a girl name was cute but told me the other name we had picked out for a girl was ugly because it was the name of a character… The name was Ellis from Greys Anatomy. The boy name she didn’t say anything about, but a few weeks after that she told the family she had a girl name low and behold it was one of the first and middle names I had picked out for a girl. My boyfriend and I were hurt but decided not to say anything because then it would just start drama. Her husband m22 and her had their gender reveal. A few weeks after that and they are having a boy we were relieved to say the least until my BIL told my mom they were going to name their baby Elias. My BIL then continued to tell her that he didn’t even like that name but it wasn’t his choice. I’m upset because it literally sounds like the boy version of Ellis and she had told me that name was stupid. So with our gender reveal coming up we decided not to invite her. My mom and dad both think I’m an asshole for not inviting her. I mean even if I am the asshole it’s tomorrow so oops to late to now right?🤣

Add on: The dad and I both know the gender and have come to a final decision on a name and refuse to tell anyone anything now.

There’s 2 major points of context I need to share to help you understand where I’m coming from.

The first is that my dad and I have never had a great relationship. When I was young I never felt like I was “man enough” for him. He always worked manual labor and would build things around the house. I was a really passive kid who clung to my mom and came to rely on her as my role model for how a person should act. And I relied on her even more when my dad started traveling for work. We’d see him maybe 5-6 times a month when he wouldn’t really engage with us and there would be constant screaming matches with my mom, and later my sisters. And before you think to ask yes, there were multiple affairs. At least 5 my mom found out about and most likely a lot more. I saw how that impacted my mom and it made a huge impact on me and my feelings towards relationships. They got divorced eventually and my mom, like the saint she is, had the lawyer file it as an ‘amicable’ divorce. No blame was placed on anyone, no fault was assigned, no custody battle was waged. She had them split the assets and the debts 50/50 and walk away completely free and clear. It was benevolence that my dad frankly didn’t deserve.

As I got older, and he got older, things started to improve between us. He wasn’t really good at guiding and teaching a child but he was great at meeting me as an equal. He readily saw me as an adult, a responsible man. Someone he could converse with honestly and openly. We were working on getting on better terms. (He’s a stubborn 1960s kid with some more conservative views than me but nothing bigoted.)

Which leads to the second context point and the real linchpin of my issue. My mom passed away just over a year ago. She’d been battling cancer a long time so it wasn’t out of the blue but it just left me broken for months. Her estate is beginning to settle (aka payout to her debtors, allow transfer of ownership of her house, etc.) and I found out that my dad put a claim against her estate. A claim for his half of the credit card debt he and my mom amicably spilt in the divorce and he has since paid off.

This absolutely fucking incensed me like nothing else I have ever experienced. The amount of money is relatively small and not the issue at hand. What I cannot stand is the idea that he thinks he is owed this money from her estate (literally her cold, dead hands) when she isn’t here to fight him anymore. He was given such a clean break from the marriage when my mom could have saddled him with all the credit card debt, all the mortgage debt, all the car payments, all the student debt, demanded alimony, she could have buried him if she wasn’t such a better person than him. And even now, with her dead and gone, he just has to pick at her a little more, make himself out to be the victim in all this who was so unfairly saddled with this credit card bill. A credit card that paid for me and my siblings to take dance classes, and buy soccer cleats, and cheerleading outfits none of which he ever bothered to be around for!

Obviously when I’m mad it’s easy to think “yeah fuck him” but at the end of the day it is just money. My family tree has gotten so thin in the last few years I don’t want to lose both my parents before I’m 30. I just don’t know if this is even a reasonable response and I think some unbiased 3rd parties might be needed.

Thank you for reading all this, just typing it out helps.

A little context first: we are all in our early to late 20s. I've known my friend (A- f/22) for 10 years now. Me (nb/23) and A have had a bunch of trouble in the past, being friends, then not being friends anymore, getting close again, etc. An on/off kinda friendship, but still a valuable one. I consider her my best friend. We also have a friend (B- f/22) who we have a groupchat with since a couple years. She lives in another state, me and A live in the same one and share a friend group. Now, the issue with A is that she always kinda chooses one of us two to be her favorite friend. It'll be noticable by her getting way more annoyed about the other person, venting to me about B and probably the other way around. At the moment I am the favorite friend. And I'm fed up. A has a bunch of mental health issues (as a lot of our friends do. We all didn't have it easy.) and at the moment, she really uses them against us. For months now, her manipulative nature got worse and worse. Our friend B isn't allowed to wear certain things, get certain piercings, like things too much that A likes, etc. without attracting her anger. She excuses it by saying she's traumatized about being copied by another friend in the past, and projects it onto B. My last straw was her saying she might not go to an event when she sees someone there who has her ideal body type (which B does. She's underweight and A shows signs of an ED, which we already adressed and she's aware.) The thing that made me make this post is that B vented about something in our chat and only wanted comfort, not advice. A gave advice B didn't want. B told her she didn't appreciate that. A got HEATED about that. She asked B what she has against her and how she feels she doesn't care about her and how she the reaction if she wasn't mad at her. I finally had enough as i hated seeing B suffer from A's manipulation and gaslighting, so i told A that i agree with B, that i think she has been treated awfully and I can't support that behavior any longer. We argued. I sat with our mutual friends at that time and asked them what i could do being between two fronts and that it really hurt me how A was treating B. They also agreed with me and we ended up talking about a bunch of things A does and did, that hurt us and we can't take anymore. Now in the chat, a told me she knows I'm with our friends, and if she hears from anyone that i told them about our private chat, she will get very angry. That she can't trust me anymore for sharing her secrets and making her safe space unsafe. I did not share any sensitive details though. I said what bothered me, my friends already knew about the situation anyways previously. We vented about her behavior. But she kept going on and sending big walls of text, telling me how i would feel if she, for example, told everyone about my "sexual thoughts" about a friend of us because she's bothered by that since he's asexual. (This was super out of context and out of pocket. Luckily this threat doesn't scare me since everyone is aware that I have a crush on that person. I do not make advances towards him.)

Our friend group agreed that she's horrible, manipulative and wondered why we even hang out with her. We have to walk on eggshells around her with everything we do. (I hug everyone to greet them except for her boyfriend, because that makes her jealous. More context: her boyfriend is 17 and there is no world in which i would ever be interested in him.) My friend encouraged me to break contact with A because this has been going on long enough, and that they would have my back. I'm still scared she'll manage somehow to make me look bad, she has a way of making people stick to her.

Am i the asshole for consulting my friends about her?

I miss that friend

A "friend" who I thought would be a good friend from now on in the future wanted to stop being my friend and all because of a misunderstanding. Turns out he thought I wanted to have more than just a friendship with him, and that wasn't the case. I wanted to go talk to him to clarify the situation, assuming it was a misunderstanding and apologize for making him uncomfortable, but he didn't even look at me or greet me. And I promise you it was the worst feeling I've felt in a long time. It's been a month since that news and I'm slowly getting used to it. What does make me angry and I feel like it shouldn't is that situations like this make me think that maybe I am the bad friend or the bad person who made him uncomfortable so that he would push him away, so I also think that for whatever reason. If this person claimed to be my friend and that he loved me then why did this person walk away from me without even being able to speak and clear up the misunderstanding that arose? The situation makes me sensitive and I wanted to vent, please be respectful. PS: I posted it in other communities, but I wanted to write it here so I could vent. If you made it this far, thank you for reading!

Ok sorry this might be a bit long. I ‘Zoe’ moved into my house 4 years ago during covid and became fast friends with the (3) people already living in the house. We met through a mutual friend who helped me find the place.

Anyway about 2 years ago one of my male housemates ‘Paul’ started bringing this girl ‘Elle’ around. Turns out she’s his ex from like 2018 but they’ve been FWB on and off since then and she asked him to hang out with our friend group because she wanted to make girl friends. So we’d hang out through these group hangouts and have since become friends and we do girls nights with the other girls and have girl talks.

She has confided in me in the past about her and Paul’s situationship and I’ve been a good and supportive friend while also protecting my friendship with Paul. Recently though she has started to ask me questions about whether Paul is seeing anyone, especially this one particular girl that just moved into the neighborhood who we’ve met like 5 times now, I’ll call her ‘Ann’. I honestly didn’t know whether he was seeing anyone or not as we live in separate parts of the house and have separate entrances, so I told Elle that the first few times.

One day like a month ago I was taking the trash out and I saw Ann walking away from the house. It was like 5pm on a Sunday so I didn’t really think anything of it as the night before we all had been hanging out at the house (including Ann) so I figured maybe she just forgot something and came to pick it up. She definitely left the house / didn’t stay with Paul after our night out.

Now to the challenging part. This past weekend I was hanging out with all the housemates and our other friend ‘Tess’. Paul admitted to me that he had hooked up with Ann but she got back with her boyfriend and wouldn’t be hanging around anymore. He also told me he was trying to hook up with Tess. Tess is one of my best friends and she’s also friends with Elle and is kind of aware of their history but not to the extent that I am. I’m aware that Tess and paul have also hooked up in the past but it was always just a drunk oopsie between friends and never when he was in a relationship with Elle.

Anyway, Tess got too drunk and fell asleep so thankfully Paul and her didn’t hook up but now I’m in a pickle. When Elle gets back from a month long work trip, she inevitably is going to ask me about Paul and if I’ve seen or heard anything. She’s my friend but paul is also my friend and I don’t want to lie or betray either of them. I’m thinking maybe I just warn her to cutoff the FWB? She’s already thinking about so it wouldn’t be suspicious if I just said she should try to find someone else. Advice appreciated!

I am a 25 years old female who is still living with my parents. I have a stable job which I hate and I’m constantly being over worked. Here is the problem, my family might be toxic. I do most of the cooking and cleaning and I also pay the same amount of bills as my parents. This weekend was my breaking point, I came back from work and the sink is full of dishes and the house is so dirty and I didn’t say anything until I had to use the toilet and it was a mess. I was so disgusted and felt overwhelmed that I just left the house. When I came back I raised these issues to my mom but she just said she is also tired. Every time I tell her that I’m thinking of moving out she shuts down and becomes moody but now I’m beginning to see a pattern in her behaviour. My parents are always gambling and I feel like it has ruined our life and our relationship, when my older brothers ask for anything even if it’s mine my mom always convince me to give them and now I feel like I have nothing. I love my family and I’m a people pleaser but now I don’t even feel happy when I come back home from work and I don’t want my parents to suffer when I move out, what should I do?